I am a ghost above this Earth demanding to be felt but people keep on insisting I do not exist.
Sometimes I just like to stand in a corner and gaze upon the enthusiastic crowd. I observe each and everyone of them- laughing, talking, and smiling. It’s like they’re the happiest people in whole wide world. How ridiculous does that sound? Happiest people in the whole galaxy all joined together in one room.
But you can also find that room the saddest person. Me. It sounds emo and all but it’s true, though there’s a little bit of exaggeration. Everyone’s contented with their lives except me. So just like that, I stand there in the corner waiting for someone to come over, but nobody does. And I’m alone.
Not because you’re alone, you’re lonely. But that’s not my case. You could totally say I’m being stupid and all but hey, I’m depressed, what can I do? I’m alone and lonely. It’s no longer just a first-degree burn. Truthfully, I’m on fire, negatively. It’s like there’s this fire that consumes me and only me. It’s devouring every little piece of me and I can’t get rid of it for there’s no one willing to put that fire out. No people in that room would like to save me from my solitude.
They talk to me. “TO”, and not “WITH”. They expect me to be there for them whenever they need someone to listen to them but they don’t really want to talk with me. They don’t care about my feelings, let alone my opinions. They need me not, they only need something from me.
It’s funny how they don’t know I’m feeling lonely. It’s funny how they could have fun in front of me. It’s funny how they look past me like I’m a ghost, like I’m invisible, like I don’t exist. And I can’t help myself whenever they call me. I’m desperate. I want to to be wanted. I need to be needed. Just like what they say: You can’t have it all. But hey, can I at least have something? I just need some spices and love in my life. But then again, do I even have a life? If this how miserable life is, what more of death? Am I better off dead? I don’t know. There are just some questions no one could answer accurately, questions stuck in my head no one would like to hear.
I’m alone and I can’t do anything about it. I don’t want to push myself into their circle and I also can’t get out of the bigger plane. It’s like we’re all just points in a plane forming lines, but I ‘m that point that is remote to everyone. I’m there, but emotionally and physically unbounded from the rest of the crowd.
It’s the kind of loneliness that makes you feel you’re unwanted. It’s the kind of loneliness that draws you closer and closer and leaves you hanging alone. It’s the kind of loneliness that tells you you’re nothing. It’s the kind of loneliness that squeezes out all of your hopes. It’s the kind of loneliness that makes your life miserable. It’s the kind of loneliness you feel even though you’re surrounded by people. It’s the kind of loneliness that tortures you. It’s the kind of loneliness you can’t just simply shake off your body because it’s no longer just a feeling, it’s already a part of you, a part of your conscience, a vein in your heart, and a puzzle piece of your brain. Forever and ever, it will always be there glued to your being, unless a there’s a person more than willing to take it away from you.
That is if there was such.