this is just a reminder that i once existed.
That I was born on a rainy day,
It was on a month in the middle of the year
– it just started, but seemed like ending all of a sudden.

This is a reminder that I was once part of your life.
Just another person on the list
with whom you may or may not have interacted with
– I was there, at the moment, then gone.

This is a reminder that I was once part
of this vacuum you call the universe
I was once part of this non-empty void,
always have been intriguing,

This is a reminder that I was once a being,
who felt waves of overwhelming emotions,
who have taken needles into my veins
who have tasted water
who have shared a bread or two.
I have thought about the very meaning of life
I was once there
Like how you are here,
right now.

But hello seems like incomplete
when not complemented with something else
Don’t you think?
Surely that hello wouldn’t linger
in the air forever.

Sometimes, infinities are a bum to our limited existence.
After all, infinities are reminders of what we can’t be.

No, Uncle John, we’re not infinite
I’m sorry but all we are,
are just shells and caskets
conscious, we may be,
but even premium caskets rust.
There’s no way around being ephemeral.
There’s only one way.
One way to go.
One way to go…
for all of this to go away.

And I’ve chosen to go that only way.





//i don’t know man it’s been a long time since I last posted something here i kinda forgot how to actually write stuff im mentally exhausted and im emotionally drained so tbh i dont really know where to draw motivation from i have too much stuff going on and i thought i could use them as a source of ideas but nah oh no i cant even form one decent stanza also i am trying to avoid real life responsibilities and really writing this right makes no sense at all if not stupid i should just go back to studying for my exams but                             im  t o o     tired    idk i hope my future self who’s reading this is in a much better place


(ps) the background image has nothing to do with anything written here but it was the first portrait picture i laid my eyes on in unsplash so whatever,,,,,,also i wrote the above “poem(?)” a year ago

Read more "nonsense"

the uneasy feeling of wanting but not doing

pastime past midnight
a minute or two before
I, staring blankly,
am waiting for it to come
half the chance is twice my hesitance
double that, you’ll get my doubt

couple hours fast forward
no progress
i am nearing edge
yet am adamant
check the last time seen-
a couple days before
lines of conversation
eager to keep it rolling
and then stops

current time check,
some notch after twelve
done enduring the pain
of shutting you down
tomorrow again…

i’ll last long without you
so why am i devastated
that you will too?

Read more "the uneasy feeling of wanting but not doing"


a rhythm along
the stoned walk
and beneath
my shoes,
leaves in between,
dry, brown, or green,
singing the hymn
of this wicked heat.
Shadowed paths,
arching trees,
a chorus of relief,
A shower of leaves,
a season to live.


A story told
with a handful
of drinks,
a wisp of air,
and a sheet
of faded clouds.
No one’s sad and
no one’s left behind.
The crash of waves,
shores awash,
footprints on the sand,
and even more are stars
up above.
Pillows on our backs,
my head on your shoulders,
sometimes reversed.
a memory that lasts.


a scene played
by you and me,
under these trees,
above this stoned walk,
showered by
falling summer leaves
and yes,
summer leaves…


a canvas colored
by nature’s beauty,
orange, yellow;
the summer’s hue.
your laughs,
your words;
my summer is you.


I miss you.
I miss you.
Read more "summer"

a confession

Can I borrow a little
bit of your time?
Just a couple of minutes,
for you to be mine…
Then after, I’ll be out
and gone.

You see,
I feel a little bit of this
and a little bit of that.
I can’t explain
though I know it’s there.
I know it’s real
but I can’t prove it

Well, you may not understand
but I, I’ve been thinking
’bout you and I-
maybe exaggerating but I
think there’s a little bit of
me that…

I don’t know,
how to phrase it.
It hasn’t left my lips
but already it tastes
a whole lot more absurd
than just thinking about

And I’m afraid it might
seem off,
and out of
Still, I think that

…not really sure why
I’m telling you things,
This little bit of feeling
I myself am unable
to admit to my own…

I just can no longer
keep this inside and
I feel like this is the
right time, so…

If this isn’t making any
sense to you,
it’s because it’s not
making sense to me

…so, what am I doing here?
stuttering ,
wasting both
our time,
trying to tell you
a secret
I have yet to

I know, I know
I haven’t thought about
this well,
sounding crazy and
out of my mind…

I’ve lost all my senses,
fallen off my feet,
swallowed up my pride,
like a drunkard with
my phone on my hand
with your number as a
recipient and still I-
can’t tell you that I…

I, uh-
uhm, I think I ah,
I am…
hmm I am
Oh I am…

There goes my
Why can’t I bring myself
to say that I’m in…

You know what?
My chance’s done anyway,
I’ll try better next time,
If there is such.

(c) image :

Read more "a confession"


My boy’s grazing skies
with his guitar and sparkly eyes
and though i know he’s feeding me lies
I’m in love with they way we are.

Watching the world go round far behind,
he said “baby let’s never go back”
The cheers to his ears are sounding like
hallelujahs’ chanted for his pride
and though he knows it won’t last forever
he’s in love with the way it is.

Everyday, I do just what he tells me
and I’ve succumb to the silent stars,
and my boy’s content when I’m quiet
enraged when I’m filled with delight.
Though i know he’s eating up my confidence
I’m still in love with the way he’s like.

We hear others say I’m not supposed to be
beside someone who can’t accept me,
he covers my ears and holds me tight
as tight as how he holds me at night
and oh my, I can’t live without something like that.
Though i know it’s naive and destructive,
I’m in love with the way he’s bad for me.

Yes, I know we’ve gone too far up
and that I’ve lost myself trying to keep him.
We’ve forgotten what we were holding so dear
and he’s turned into someone I no longer know.
Still, I am and always will be
in love with this boy I can’t let go of.

(c) image:

Read more "Boy"

if walls could speak

“we break things not just as a way to release but also to see
some other thing broken aside from ourselves.”

You asked me how
I got my hand broken
And I told you it’s
because the walls aren’t
getting any weaker

While I,
I am tired of trying hard
and I’m too worn out to fight

I am fed up with
all the things
I used to love

so I’ve been thinking ’bout
taking my life
but I see the walls
are all around
and I get the urge
to let it out

and so i do…

If I could no longer speak,
the walls would
for me;

they’d tell you a story
on how I turn
into something else
when I’m sad,
and how they stop me
when I’m not
in the right mind
and they’d tell you about
these little scars I have,
and also the frustrations
I’m keeping inside.

You asked why and
I told you,
’cause they hear me,
when no one else will
and they feel it all,
every inch of my skin
when I lay it on them

so if walls could speak,
they’d tell you how I
hurt them
to hurt me
every single night.

Read more "if walls could speak"

Active Now

turning silence into wasted memories

You kill me everyday with your silence
through that green circle by your name-
a chance to know you more
with just a single tap,
a simple knock,
to turn silence into memories

still, i am content
with just the silence
never will i gather enough courage
to be weird and
bother you,
i guess i’m just
too hesitant to be spontaneous

It’s the space between us
where nothing happens
drowning too deep in my own doubts to clear my mind.
saying it won’t matter anyway, anyhow it goes.
confused and filled with what if’s and could’ve been’s.
hard for me to swallow my pride.
we never should’ve been friends.
but i want to know you more.
I divert my senses to something else.
You’re active now it says.

Nothing more than regret I can do,
I want this feeling to let me go,
want you to just-
and off you go.

Read more "Active Now"